I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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