me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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