I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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