I can tuck mytits in my pants
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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