can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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