he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
is wine microwaveable?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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