A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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