The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's rum buckets o'clock
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
