i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
