you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
