How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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