JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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