it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
