So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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