and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
3 2 1 whiskey
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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