I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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