dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
