New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
