Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
