I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
