I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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