dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
