It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
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I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
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Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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