my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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