She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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