don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
