I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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