I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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