im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
