Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
