Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
