Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
