you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
