You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
