can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
