I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
