do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
