sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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