A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
