I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
