i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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