My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
