Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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