I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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