During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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