We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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