Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
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i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
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If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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