i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
