ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
