how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
