Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Welp...herpes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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