found the other keg... it's in the tree
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
