your room smells of hookers.
And success
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
