In the future we'll all be gay
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
ok first of all what the fuck
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
