I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
