i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you would pick up someone in the library
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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