I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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