Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
