hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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