you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
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Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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