Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Church boner. Awkwardddd
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
