but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
