I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
