Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
