Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
