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TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
