another moral hangover. fuck.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
