NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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