Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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