Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
