sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
