Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
look no pants
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
