Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
