More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
