why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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