so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
