He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
