fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Michael Bay diarrhea
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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