My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
