My friends, they love my intelligence
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
