Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
