The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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