Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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